"Doing well"

I've been on my meds for a while now, and I am doing better. I can leave the house. I can drive. I can eat.

But I still feel stuck. I feel like I'm useless, like I don't have a purpose. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't think that I'm meant for the conventional "workplace" and I have no idea how to deal with that.

And I'm scared. I'm scared because even though I have no current desire to enact this plan, I actually have a plan. And it keeps popping into my head. I have a plan on how to kill myself. I'm not sure it if would even work. I know nothing about suicide. I have never attempted it and I don't think I could. Despite this, I have a plan of exactly what I intend to do.

Who am I supposed to confide in? Who could possibly trust my mental stability enough to hear this and not toss me into a padded room? I don't know if my boyfriend could hear it. My family certainly couldn't, not without panicking. So who am I supposed to talk to? I want to sit down with someone and have them tell me that it's okay to have a plan as long as you have no desire to act on it. 

I need to hear it. 

It doesn't have enough weight if I tell it to myself.